where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
