Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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