you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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