Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
