WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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