pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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