It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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