that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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