So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
