You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
All the doctor said was why
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
