I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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