I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
