I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
