I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
