It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
