Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
