Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
