My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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