I hope mine doesn't look like that
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
