i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
