I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Randomize
