I wish I could punch you in the face.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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