no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
All I want is dick and wine.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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