dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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