I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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