My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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