it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
