it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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