I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
