the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
