Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
