I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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