Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
