Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
