i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
