You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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