Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
