I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
