there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
