Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
