he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
