Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
