he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
