FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
