can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
