Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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