Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
