I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
