I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He better not be in your backpack
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
