when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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