That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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