i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
