Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
