He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
