STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
