The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
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