Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
