Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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