my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Randomize
