Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
