I have demons in me.
I wish I only lived at night.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
