i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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