nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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