it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So squirting runs in the family.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
