you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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