you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
