Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
