he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
