I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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