I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
