Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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