I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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