I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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