when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
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she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
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Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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