Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
