My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
