i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
