planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
