Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
