if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
