haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
