Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
