how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
