Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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